I've been teaching myself the Russian language.

And I have to say-

It's sad to know that I know more in this past week from teaching MYSELF than I have with 2 years of Spanish.

Did you say it?
I love you
I don't ever want to live without you
You changed my life
Did you say it?
Make a plan
Set a goal
Work toward it
But every now and then
Look around
Drink it in
Cause this is it
It might all be gone tomorrow.

Stop talking to me about having a new boyfriend or girlfriend. It's annoying and I could give two shits who you're dating and then going to dump within 7 weeks over the phone in less than 30 seconds.

Single people don't like to hear that shit. It's uh, gee i don't know, KIND OF DEPRESSING.

Don't be so fucking selfish and flaunt it to me, you faggots.

I realized how much I hate myself today.

It's a little over one hundred percent.

I remember having very many suicidal thoughts when I was in 8th grade.

I would always contemplate things and debate on whether I should do it or leave it be. That feeling wasn't terrible, but maddening. I really was going crazy because of being indecisive. So I caused self-harm to myself, such as stabbing my legs and arms with needles or dragging a knife gently across my throat, imagining I really had enough guts to do it.

Nobody ever noticed, and nobody ever asked. I never went to therapy. I never told anyone how much I hated everything and how much I wanted to just kill a man. But I knew I couldn't do it.

I don't even remember why I was thinking those kind of thoughts. The cause for my fucked up mentality is still a mystery to me to this very day. Is it my insecurity? My anger? The people I had to put up with middle school who made me want to kill them with half of a water pipe? My dad who only calls once every two months and puts my mom through hell by not being responsible?

I don't know. It would have been all of the above.

Anyway, we have this desk in my room, and on the right side, there is a little cupboard that you can open, close, and put meaningless crap in. The whole desk is made out of super hard wood.

But one day, I was by myself and wasn't thinking right. I stared at that stupid little door for the longest time, until I decided to open it. I placed my head in between the opening and door and I was breathing incredibly fast. I was thinking about killing myself by slamming the door over and over onto my head until it shattered my skull and I finally died. I started to cry and then fell to the floor sobbing like a pathetic child and calmly shut the small door.

I don't know why I stopped myself, I really felt like ending it all. I was completely ready. That feeling of wanting to end it all? I can't describe it in words. All you are honestly thinking is, "Okay, this is it. This is the day. It's time to go, and that's that." and you sound so apathetic, it's almost hard to believe that you're still human.

Maybe it was what little family and friends I had left that stopped me from making a selfish decision.

Don't tell me you know how it feels unless you were like me and on the verge of committing suicide. You will NEVER understand until you feel like that.

THIS IS THE BEST WEEK EVER

I PROMISED I WOULD UPLOAD PORN HERE

well, you only get one, because I still need to draw more.

This one's just of Jimmy Urine and Steve Righ? from Mindless Self Indulgence. It actually started out as anatomy practice, but ended up being fap material, lol.

( THIS IS ALL FOR YOU BECCA [NSFW] )

(you should click it a few times to full FULL view)

So.
The Dark Knight is pretty much the bestest movie EVER of 2008.
HOOOOO-RAAAAAAAAAYY!

All I've been doing lately is looking for Batman/Joker stuff.

YEAH SON
I'm in Colorado visiting families and doing stuff.
I'm getting my hair dyed and piercings tomorrow.
lolol mother doesn't approve.

REBELLING IS COOL
WE SHOULD DO IT SOMETIME.

Okay, that's all.

So I said to you guys to keep an eye on this in case you wanted to see some sketches or rough work here. There are a few things here I have up, so check it out.

( THERE'S STUFF UNDER THIS HERE CUT )